I decided to park the van there in front of the Shariah Court and took a minibus to PWTC. I walked to the PWTC from Chow Kit as that was the first time in so many years. I really did enjoy my walk until I saw a woman carrying a bag in her right hand and holding her son on the left. My thought went straight away to Ghazi. I just didn’t know, maybe because the area was where I used to walk with him when we were wanderers of KL. Then I saw the back slump of Chow Kit, how some people live there, took me back to the worst part of my life with my young son. At that moment at 3 pm 19 August 1994, for the first time after almost a year working with a steady job, I realised how far I had gone through the hardship with Ghazi. Only both of us would know and feel not even his mother in this context.
Sam, Baqir, Az-Zahra and Ghazi had gone to sleep, but I have to write this down now. I just do not want to lose the moment and really learn and be thankful to Allah for what he had given me and my family. No matter what other people might say, we had been successful to this day in our test of life.
A Time to Let Go
No matter how tough you are, there will be a time that you will be totally hopeless. It is especially true when your first child is breaking away from you to join the mainstream, school. It is true to me anyway. It never occurs to me that I am going to feel this way when my son started going to school. The thought that he is going to take a school bus every morning and be back on the same bus in the evening never really compute. It seems so unnatural and as if I cannot accept the situation. Two days to go, on the 1st Dec. 1994 he is actually going to do just that to me. Whether I like it or not he has to go through it alone. I am so hopeless...........
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