Saturday, May 18, 2013

On The Train (Very Sad), May 17, 2013

My legs are heavy not because I am carrying a heavy load or tired but I am very sad. Witnessing life slipping away slowly in front of you is something I try to avoid but I know I cannot. The weight of the sadness is so unbearable. Even the new Chow Kit night that I am beginning to enjoy again is not helping. The bright path seems dark and gloomy reminding me of the hospital on my left. To my surprise the heaviness materialize itself into resolve of not wanting to waste my life with something I do not like to do anymore. I have to be happy as before again. Stress free

I force myself to the Monorel station, something a routine now that today has no meaning. The train travel is also not interesting for me today, although accompanying me are Friday night happy face riders either going for home or dinner.

It is the same on the Komuter train home. I just cannot wait to be home.

On The Train (Being a fighter), May 15, 2013

I am not just talking about being any kind of fighter. To me this is a true fighter fighting on his own and knowing the opponent is really formidable. Luckily or otherwise a few of us are onlookers trying to understand and almost pretend to help. But we know no matter what we do, say or try we will never really know.  We just can do our best and pray.

I was helpless looking at my brother laying there in pain. I was sad, very sad witnessing the inevitable. All of us were praying hard and being brave for each others sake.

A group of student, my guess from UKM, was on board sharing the coach with me. As any students there were happy and chatty, joking with one another. I look at them and somehow relieve a bit of my burden of thinking what’s ahead of me. Enjoy your student life kids. Believe me you are going to really miss it one day.